Fear

I won't say that I am a self-help junkie or that I have a library with thousands of self-help titles. I will say I have done my share of reading and research in this area. As one who chose psychology as a major in college, and education for a masters degree, it would seem very natural that I have a high interest level in personal development and a desire to share and help others to learn what treasured bits of really good insight I have found. However, I have also always had an intensely adverse reaction to pop-psychology, people billing themselves as the expert and offering their "10 Secrets to Health, Wealth, Happiness" if you just scroll down to the bottom....sign up for our free newsletter, and subject yourself to mountains of spam from here to eternity" (I promise...no matter where this journey leads me, I will never do that to you).

In all of the time I have spent looking into personal development, I can pretty easily say I can synthesize the biggest hurdle to real personal development as FEAR and the single most difficult thing to do is OVERCOME FEAR. Now, there are hundreds of websites, books, downloadable papers and self-help videos that say they can help you abolish fear in your life as if it is as simple as learning how to sew or adopting a new "system" for running your daily life. If only it were that easy. If only we all weren't so fearful that we will never get rid of our fears, we wouldn't be giving these self-proclaimed experts our hard-earned money to hear what magic they have to offer.

Fear lives so deeply in our subconscious, that even when we think we are fine, we are experiencing fear. That fear can wreak havoc our health, our thoughts, our actions, our relationships and our futures. I can go on and on, and I probably will, about how that fear comes to live within us.  The fear-producing forces are rampant in our families, society, religion, and history. The prospect of overcoming fear would seem insurmountable. And like Sysiphus, we may make great strides toward banishing fear from our lives, and in one fell swoop a single incident, or thought can send us tumbling down the mountain back into the swamp of fearful misery we started.

A few years ago I had a revelation that I was afraid all the time. Mind you, this isn't to say I was phobic or neurotic with fear, just that I knew I had that sick feeling in the pit of my gut that never completely went away. Fear that something would go wrong. Fear that I wouldn't make it; we would fail financially; that my babies would be hurt; that I would be humiliated in some way; that others didn't or wouldn't understand me and I would be judged.

Of course, I prayed for the fear to be taken away. Finally, I realized that the fear was the same thing as a lack of trust. Lack of trust in myself, in God, in others. Because deep down I didn't trust that God or the universe was really going to take care of me, or that being cared for was the point of this life at all. I didn't trust that I could really do anything for myself and I didn't trust that others would care enough or were deep down good-enough to really care.

Despite all my research into personal development and listening to all the solutions the experts have to offer, I am still no where close to having eradicated fear from my daily life. I have, however, made some major leaps in the right direction.

The first step was realizing just how much fear was living within me, and recognizing the feelings and thoughts that sprung from that fear. That is major. Fear lives and operates on such a deep subconscious level we can live our whole lives without truly recognizing it. Just taking that step has taken years.

Then I went through the process of understanding what was driving the fear. The lack of trust that anything was really ever going to be ok. I had to find the trust first before I could effect the fear. But how?

Well, from where I stand I think there are two ways. One is that I can analyze the bejeezus out of those historical, societal, religious and familial influences that have created this outlook. My therapist (if I had one) would love that. Or, I can try the Louise Hay approach and just start feeding myself the new perspective. Assuming it as if it is already true. You know, things like: "all my needs are taken care of;" "others do not judge me and I do not judge them;" "everything is as it should be;" "I am safe, cared for, and fulfilled."

I have taken this approach. Instead of trying to deconstruct the sources of my fear and rebuilding my outlook from the foundation upwards, I am instead supplanting the framework of fear and lack of trust by obstinately, continually, and forcefully giving myself new messages of safety, fulfilment, purpose and security. At first, of course, it feels wrong, silly, fake, contrived and awkward. However, as time goes on and I keep it up I feel the fear slowly subsiding. The new and improved messages are seeping into my core little by little. I find that my self-talk doesn't do as much me-bashing as it used to. I still wake up many mornings with a feeling of dread, but instead of living in that place, I now find I have the tools to confront that dread and shift my mind just enough that I start moving ever so slowly into a place of hope and peace.

I have faith that some time in the not-to-distant future that sick feeling of fear and dread that used to live in the pit of my stomach will be a long-forgotten thing of the past.